I Won’t Blink

It is midnight, which means it is officially my oldest son’s 4^th birthday and the anniversary of the day that I became a mom. To be honest, I am struggling.

All of my mom friends warned me about how fast it goes, my own mother never let a conversation go by without reminding me how quickly children grow up, even strangers at the grocery store would point at my growing belly and say, “Don’t blink!” But somehow, I didn’t think it was going to happen to me. My baby wasn’t even born yet, but I would cherish every single moment, time would go slowly and nothing would get past me; I would not blink.

Then, exactly 4 years ago today at 8:14am, I became a Mom. That little boy stole my heart right from my chest, he was the sweetest thing I had ever laid eyes on and I was captivated. I did not want to take my eyes off of him. After a few days, we went home and settled into the new normal. All I wanted was to sleep through the night, I was a new kind of exhausted and I wished someone else could feed him and rock him so I could go back to sleep. Then he became a toddler who I had to watch like a hawk, I was constantly wishing that I could relax behind a closed door, or even take a hot shower by myself. When he got bigger, I could not wait until he was out of diapers and able to do a few things for himself. 

Now, he is 4.

He no longer keeps me up all night, he doesn’t pull on my jewelry or grab at my hair, he doesn't take a bottle or eat baby food, I don't have to worry about him trying to play in the dog’s water dish or eating pennies, and he does all his business in the toilet without even asking for my help. He is getting more independent by the minute and needing me less and less. He is not a baby anymore, not even a toddler; he is a little person.

I didn’t just blink, I wished it away.

Somehow, while I was busy complaining about dirty diapers and never getting sleep or a shower, I didn’t notice that my baby was getting bigger. I feel like I missed it all. I see the pictures that I took and obsessively (possibly annoyingly) posted on Facebook, the milestones that I wrote about, the tiny clothes he used to fit into that are now gathering dust in a closet, but I still don’t understand it. I still can’t believe how much time has passed, how is he not a baby anymore? Everything happened so fast that I can barely remember it all, it is just one big blur of a whirlwind. I feel as if I closed my eyes for one tiny second and when I opened them, I was planning my son's 4th birthday party.

I will never get that time back, he will never be a baby or a toddler again.

I will no longer naively act like I will have my kids forever, that somehow I will defy time and they will never grow up. Instead, I will live knowing that the good and bad parts in each moment are fleeting. No matter what I do, time will keep moving just like it always does, like it always has. I won’t let any more time pass before I realize what I have been missing. I won't close my eyes and wake up to find myself planning his graduation party.

From now on, I mean it; I won’t blink.

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The Undeniable Laws of Motherhood

When you become a Mom, you learn all about the Laws of Motherhood right away. These laws don't make any sense, but they are fact. Maybe our kids hate us, maybe it is pay back for all the trouble we gave our own mothers, or maybe we lost so many brain cells from pregnancy and lack of sleep that it's all just in our heads, either way the struggle is real. Here's a list of them, I'm sure there are many, many more but I can't remember them all because...

*yawn*

Where was I? 

The Laws of Motherhood: 

1. Your kids will be sound asleep and you can do house work as loud as you want, but as soon as you tiptoe to bed, they wake up. 

2. You can beg and bribe your kids to eat their food and they won't take a single bite, but when you sit down to eat the exact same meal, suddenly they're starving and want some (all) of the food off your plate.

3. The one time you forget to bring your baby a change of clothes, he has the biggest blowout of his life. 

4. They can sit and play nicely for a really long time, as long as you're not trying to get anything done.

5. The one time your child gets car sick and vomits while you're on the road, is the same day you had your car detailed.

6. If your sweet toddler gets a bloody boo-boo that requires your cuddles to fix, it will be on a day that you're wearing white.

7. Your kiddo can be doing awesome at a new milestone: walking, talking, counting, etc., until you tell someone about this new accomplishment, then it's all over.

8. They can be polite and have great manners, until you bring them around your in-laws who you all rarely see, then your angels disappear and they turn into greedy, disobedient monsters. 

9. They won't notice that they don't have their favorite blanket right there with them, until you try to sneak it into the washer.

10. They see the cherry flavored Tylenol in the cupboard and beg you for some when they don't need it, but when they're actually sick, they won't take any. 

11. They ask for Daddy all day when you are home alone with them, but once he gets there and you have a chance to get something done or sneak away for a quick break, all they want is you.

12. Every time you make plans for a play date with that one friend that you actually really like to have play dates with, your kids get sick and you have to cancel.

13. All your kid has been asking for is to go to the park so he can slide on a twirly slide, so you search and find a park that meets his request; he plays in the dirt the whole time and barely even looks in the same direction as the slide he once begged for.

14. You finally find your kiddo's favorite meal, you take great care to make it just how he likes it, and even make extra so you will have it on hand for him, he feeds it to the dog.

15. You spend hours researching the perfect birthday gift for your toddler, you drive all over town searching for this must-have and can't wait to give it to him; he bypasses the toy and plays with the box it came in.

16. You strategically plan a long road trip during nap time so your children will sleep while you drive; they don't fall asleep until you literally arrive at your destination.

17. Even when they are covered in poop, spaghetti sauce or dirt, as they are throwing a fit or clinging to you when all you want is a shower, your babies are still hands down the most adorable creatures you have ever laid eyes on, and deep down you know you're the most blessed Mama in the entire world!

Add to this list in the comments section and if you figure out why all these things happen, please let me know!!

Please feel free to 'like' and 'share' my posts, I really appreciate it when you do. I'm not saying I check all day long to see how many people enjoyed my posts, but I'm not saying I don't either.

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