Things I Have Learned About Coffee Since Having Babies

1. It is now a necessity.

2. It is still good after being reheated 7 times.

3. An experienced Mom always wears clothes that will go well with both spit up and coffee stains.

4. It is a good reason to sit down and get a break for a few minutes. "Don't come over here baby, Mama has HOT coffee."

5. It is a great excuse to buckle the kids in the carseat and get out of the house in the morning. "Who wants to go for a drive to the coffee shop?! (and then maybe just stay in the car until nap time!)"

6. I always know which coffee shops have specials for any given hour of the day. "It's 11 o'clock? Human Bean has $2 drinks for one more hour, hurry kids, grab your coats!"

7. Coffee motivates me to get out of bed in the morning, and I definitely need help with that.

8. I also can use it as a reward. Ex: For every load of laundry I fold, I get to sit and drink one cup of joe.

9. It needs its own column in our monthly budget.

10. It is a great way to get other moms to hang out with me, “Want to come over? I have coffee!”

11. With each sip, I am taken away to my quiet place.

12. It is the one thing that is all mine, I do not feel the need to share my coffee with my little ones.

13. Coffee syrup and creamer calories don’t count. (Okay, file this one under: Lies I tell Myself.)

14. Going to the coffee shop is the best way to get adult interaction, they are paid to be nice to you and they have to pretend to be interested when you tell them every detail of your day.

15. It fills me up. I rarely remember to feed myself before nap time, but I never forget my coffee. As long as I add a little milk, I’m totally good to go without shaking or passing out until at least noon. 

Hope everyone has a wonderful 4th of July! Remember these coffee facts in the morning, after the fireworks have kept you up all night! 

Cheers! 

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17 Things People Say to Moms and What This Snarky Mom Really Wants to Say Back.

These are real life things people have said to me in public places, I'm sure most of us hear at least one of these remarks every time we leave the house. I bite my tongue and smile politely with a humble response (usually), but the responses in my head are much, much different.

1. I don't know how you do it.
I don't have a choice, I am their Mom and I just have to be, so I am.

2.  You sure have your hands full!
Your's look empty, want to help?

3. Where are your kids?
I left them home alone, they should be fine.

4. When are you going to have another baby?
When these ones move out.

5. You're not having anymore kids are you?
Right this second? I sure hope not!

6. Whoa, what have you been feeding him? He is huge!
Mostly brownies and ice cream.

7. He sure is tiny, are you feeding him enough?
Well, he is fasting right now.

8. Oh poor baby, your Mama didn't put socks on your feet?
Ya, he HAS gotten frost bite before from a trip to the grocery store, I had better watch that.

9 . Baby is crying, he must be hungry!
Yep, there are no other reasons a baby could possibly be crying.

10. You have two boys? Oh, I'm sorry.
You will be sorry if you don't take that back right now!

11. You look tired.
I was up with a teething baby all night last night, but I didn't realize I was tired until you pointed it out, thanks for letting me know.

12. Awe, why is he sad?
Because he is 2, same reason I'm about to cry.

13. Just wait until they are teenagers.
Just wait to do what? Are you suggesting I just sit around and wait for them to be teenagers? Can I do that?

14. How does he sleep?
With his eyes closed.

15. Oh, you're giving him a bottle?
Yep, someone on aisle 12 just told me that he was hungry.

16. The planet is over populated, people shouldn't have so many kids.
Ok, I'll line my kids up and you can choose which ones to put back.

17. You are doing a great job and your kids are so adorable and well behaved. 
Did my husband pay you to say that? Can you always grocery shop at the same time as me? Can I buy you a coffee? Can we be best friends? Are you on Facebook?

Please feel free to 'like' and 'share' my posts, I really appreciate it when you do. I'm not saying I check all day long to see how many people enjoyed my posts, but I'm not saying I don't either.

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Lies Parents Tell Their Children

Whether you like to think of yourself as a completely honest parent, or you go all out with Santa Clause, the Easter Bunny and the Tooth Fairy, I think we all can agree we have told a little white lie to our kids a time or two. Sometimes they are said in moments of complete desperation and sleeplessness, other times, they just seem like the right "parent" thing to say.

1. "I know, I'm sad that it is bedtime too."
In reality, I'm singing Hallelujah choruses in my head.

2. "You are the cutest kid in the whole world!"
We all say this to our kids, it cannot be true in every case, there can only be one that is THE cutest. (And it's both of my kids.)

3. "Maybe we will do that (fill in blank of random thing they are asking to do) next week."
They have no idea when next week is and will most likely have forgotten by then.

4. "We were just wrestling."
I'll leave that one to your own interpretation.

5. "Yes, that is a space ship in the sky!"
My son thinks jets are spaceships, I let him have this one because why not?

6. "Ok, just a minute."
Most of the time I actually mean this one when I say it, but then I forget. They always remind me though!

7. "Yea, that's awesome!"
This is my response to a lot of things, usually because I can't understand what they are talking about or because I cannot figure out what that drawing is supposed to be of.

8. "It isn't morning yet, because the sun isn't awake."
This is the winter lie.

9. "It isn't morning yet, the sun accidentally woke up too early, he is going to go back to sleep now too."
This is the Summer lie.

10. "That food is really yummy, it's what sharks eat!"
What sharks eat? Why does that make it more appealing?

11. "Oh no, all the (insert holiday here) candy melted, want some grapes? You love grapes!"
We definitely ate it all and I feel kinda bad about it, but they really do love grapes.

12. "If you eat all your veggies you will grow strong like the Hulk!"
It isn't going to take them long before they realize that this isn't true.

13. "Of course Mama always eats all of her veggies!
Pfft! No, I don't.

14.  "All the electronics are dead right now and have to be charged."
This one always bites me in the butt because now I can't use the electronics.

15. "You can be anything you want to be!"
All the money, power or fame in the world and my kid still couldn't be Captain America (there can only be one Steve Rogers).

16.  "We should always tell the truth, it is really bad to lie."
Hmm...is this one a lie? Or am I just really bad? I guess the kids and I will have a nice philosophical discussion about this when they are older.

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If you enjoyed this post, give it a "like" or "share" so that other people can enjoy it too! --And so I can feel good about myself. ;) 

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Toys are Overrated (Especially on Christmas)

My kids play with their toys for about 2% of the day (enough time to pull them all out and make a mess), and the rest of the day is spent following me around saying things like,

"Mama, whatcha doing?"
"Mama, where is Daddy?"
"Mama, what is that noise?"
"Mama, what are the neighbors doing?"
"Mama, I don't want you to get anything done ever, or drink your coffee without reheating it 12 times before you give up on it entirely, or go potty without my company, or ever get to take a shower."

Before you get all judgey and say I'm a terrible Mom because I want toys to babysit my toddlers, let me just say that I adore my sweet boys, I love their persistence and their continuous ability to speak without stopping to think about what to say next...or breath. I love spending time with them and I love that they want and thrive on my attention. Go ahead and judge me if you wish, but every once in a while a parent could use a few minutes of the kids playing with the toys that they spent lots of time and money picking out for them. If I spend $40 on a simple wooden train set, plus countless amount of time setting it up into a figure 8, complete with overpasses and tunnels, it ought to be able to give me half a cup of coffee or a few bites of cereal before I have to answer another round of never ending toddler questions.

Oh, and that's another thing, why are toys so freakin' expensive? I mean, have you seen how much a Tickle Me Elmo costs? When people told me that kids were expensive, I didn't realize how much of that expense was going to fall on entertaining them alone! My kids saw a toy tractor at the store the other day, they thought it was the coolest thing ever.
"Maybe for Christmas." I said, with real intentions of possibly getting it for them for Christmas, until I saw the $50 price tag for a yellow piece of plastic on wheels.
"Why are toys so expensive?!" I asked my Mom.
"Because they can be." She said.
Well, I guess that's true. Supply and demand, folks! Parents are willing to pay a pretty penny for anything that could possibly give them a minute on the loo in peace. So, they take out a second mortgage on their house and buy their kids awesome toys that they are sure to love.

Here is what really happens:

Christmas morning rolls around and your precious youngsters run down the stairs to see all the pretty packages under the tree, labeled beautifully with the burlap and chalkboard gift tags you saw on Pinterest and stayed up all night making. They excitedly rip open their gifts, tossing the elaborate gift tags and wrapping behind their heads; they jump up and down with glee as they see they have received the fire station set that they have always wanted.

"Open it, open it, please!?!?" They proclaim.

You are so excited to give them this gift that has been sitting in your closet since Black Friday-- when you stayed up all night and stood in mile long lines outside in the freezing cold in order to get them this toy. So you tell your husband to hurry and grab his pocket knife and you both go to town trying to get this sucker open. Once both of you have spent 45 minutes opening the theft-proof/child-proof/parent-proof/wild animal-proof packaging and set the toy up for them, the kids have already found a new interest: the box it came in. So you go ahead and let the children be entertained by flimsy cardboard for a few minutes while you learn everything there is to learn about the new toy you just assembled. Eventually the box they were playing with rips and the little ones reluctantly come over to check out their new novelty toy. You teach them how to put the firefighter in the fire truck and how to make the lights flash, how to turn on the siren and honk the horn (something you will come to regret by the first time you finish microwaving your coffee), you tell them the names of all the figurines it came with and how to make the plastic water splash out of the hose in order to put out the plastic fire.

Once you have them settled with their new toy, you skip happily to the bathroom to take a shower. You turn the hot water on, step into the steamy tub dreaming of coming out clean, with untangled, soft hair and smooth, silky hair-free legs. Then at the exact moment the warm water hits your greasy hair, you hear it, the creak of the door opening slowly, the patter of little feet on the bathroom tile and the sweet toddler voice saying,
 "Mama, I need help peeeeese, firetruck water, can't do it."
"At least he is enjoying his new toy!"  You think to yourself as you wash your hair with one hand while holding the shower curtain closed with the other to keep him from ruining you Christmas by peeking in and saying "Eeeew!"

You barely have time to rinse the shampoo out of your hair before you realize he has gone from bugging you in the shower, to throwing parts of his new toy into the toilet bowl (seriously, nothing is sacred with these kids). You jump out of the shower with shampoo still running down your forehead and into your eyes, your hair rattier than it was before and your legs anything but smooth. You quickly shoo the blue eyed, curly haired, sticky fingered boy out of the bathroom, tell him to go play with his toy and that you promise to join him after you get dressed. You close and lock the bathroom door behind you, quickly dry off and then slowly re-open the door hoping to sneak into your room to get dressed without being spotted, but there are two little boys sitting cross legged outside of the bathroom door waiting for you, with their new toy completely abandoned in the other room. And so it begins all over again.

"Mama, whatcha doing?"
"Mama, what happened shower?"
"Mama, how about go to Papa's house for presents now?"

Well, at least you got to wash your hair.

A word from the not-very-wise and not-very-experienced Mom who likes to think she is learning along the way, just give the kids cardboard for Christmas, maybe a bowl of water to throw things in and a recording of all the answers you could possibly give to their many, many questions. You will be able to afford to keep the power on, skip the toy sales and have kids just as un-entertained as they would have been with the overpriced pieces of plastic that make noise and light up.

Now take a deep breath, heat up your coffee and enjoy the time leading up to Christmas knowing you don't even need to go near the toy aisle! Or at least make sure you have a bottle of wine in your fridge when you get back from shopping. The truth is, we love the look on our kiddo's faces when they open their gifts on Christmas morning. Whether we are answering their many questions while pushing trains on a wooden train set, putting firemen into their fire trucks, or reading their new book with them, it really is some of the best time spent, even if our coffee is sitting across the room getting cold and our legs are so hairy that they blend in with the carpet.

Please feel free to 'like' and 'share' my posts, I really appreciate it when you do. I'm not saying I check all day long to see how many people enjoyed my posts, but I'm not saying I don't either.

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My 'Scary Mommy' Debut!

I'm so excited to be featured on Scary Mommy, head on over and check out my posts: 


What to Expect When I'm Not Expecting You.

The Mom I Judge Harshest Of All

15 Things Moms Say...And What We Really Mean.

10 Things I Wish My Toddlers Could Know.

Our Family is Complete...For Now.

Have a great day!

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The Undeniable Laws of Motherhood

When you become a Mom, you learn all about the Laws of Motherhood right away. These laws don't make any sense, but they are fact. Maybe our kids hate us, maybe it is pay back for all the trouble we gave our own mothers, or maybe we lost so many brain cells from pregnancy and lack of sleep that it's all just in our heads, either way the struggle is real. Here's a list of them, I'm sure there are many, many more but I can't remember them all because...

*yawn*

Where was I? 

The Laws of Motherhood: 

1. Your kids will be sound asleep and you can do house work as loud as you want, but as soon as you tiptoe to bed, they wake up. 

2. You can beg and bribe your kids to eat their food and they won't take a single bite, but when you sit down to eat the exact same meal, suddenly they're starving and want some (all) of the food off your plate.

3. The one time you forget to bring your baby a change of clothes, he has the biggest blowout of his life. 

4. They can sit and play nicely for a really long time, as long as you're not trying to get anything done.

5. The one time your child gets car sick and vomits while you're on the road, is the same day you had your car detailed.

6. If your sweet toddler gets a bloody boo-boo that requires your cuddles to fix, it will be on a day that you're wearing white.

7. Your kiddo can be doing awesome at a new milestone: walking, talking, counting, etc., until you tell someone about this new accomplishment, then it's all over.

8. They can be polite and have great manners, until you bring them around your in-laws who you all rarely see, then your angels disappear and they turn into greedy, disobedient monsters. 

9. They won't notice that they don't have their favorite blanket right there with them, until you try to sneak it into the washer.

10. They see the cherry flavored Tylenol in the cupboard and beg you for some when they don't need it, but when they're actually sick, they won't take any. 

11. They ask for Daddy all day when you are home alone with them, but once he gets there and you have a chance to get something done or sneak away for a quick break, all they want is you.

12. Every time you make plans for a play date with that one friend that you actually really like to have play dates with, your kids get sick and you have to cancel.

13. All your kid has been asking for is to go to the park so he can slide on a twirly slide, so you search and find a park that meets his request; he plays in the dirt the whole time and barely even looks in the same direction as the slide he once begged for.

14. You finally find your kiddo's favorite meal, you take great care to make it just how he likes it, and even make extra so you will have it on hand for him, he feeds it to the dog.

15. You spend hours researching the perfect birthday gift for your toddler, you drive all over town searching for this must-have and can't wait to give it to him; he bypasses the toy and plays with the box it came in.

16. You strategically plan a long road trip during nap time so your children will sleep while you drive; they don't fall asleep until you literally arrive at your destination.

17. Even when they are covered in poop, spaghetti sauce or dirt, as they are throwing a fit or clinging to you when all you want is a shower, your babies are still hands down the most adorable creatures you have ever laid eyes on, and deep down you know you're the most blessed Mama in the entire world!

Add to this list in the comments section and if you figure out why all these things happen, please let me know!!

Please feel free to 'like' and 'share' my posts, I really appreciate it when you do. I'm not saying I check all day long to see how many people enjoyed my posts, but I'm not saying I don't either.

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I Have Been Mom Judging

I spent the last two days seriously judging a mom I know very well. I know I shouldn't, but she just makes it so incredibly easy. Just read some of the things she does:

She didn't have her babies naturally and she stopped breastfeeding really early.

She gave her toddlers donuts for a snack before nap time. DONUTS.

She also gave them apple juice before bed.

She yelled at her son when he spilled her coffee.

She still gives her one-year-old a bottle.

Her three-year-old is still in diapers.

I saw her kids run away from her outside more than once this week. She chased them while spilling all the contents of her purse and stepping on the ends of her yoga pants which she is always wearing.

She doesn't shower every day.

She hid in the kitchen eating peanut butter M&M's while her one-year-old threw a tantrum.

She lets her kids cry it out… except when she doesn't. Couldn’t she choose a method and be consistent?

In almost every picture she posts on Facebook her kids aren’t wearing any clothes.

She puts her kids in a Super Play Yard which is basically baby jail.

I saw her kids spill Cheerios all over the floor and then EAT THEM!

She unashamedly bribes her kids in public with cookies.

She fell asleep on the couch while her kids were sitting in front of the TV, in baby jail, eating cheerios off the floor.

Her son would not stop standing up in the cart at the grocery store while her other son kept trying to open—and probably wanted to drink—the bottle of shampoo they were buying.

At every meal, her oldest son cries because he has to eat—unless she is giving him donuts.

She drinks Diet Coke every day.

Her apartment is usually messy. It is decorated solely in random do-it-yourself "art" and none of her furniture matches.

She keeps saying she is going to start working out or go on a diet, but I haven't seen any difference in her figure at all. Her clothes are plain and she needs a haircut.

Her family is always late to church and half the time they don't even make it at all.

Her one-year-old sometimes still wakes up at night and takes a really long time to fall asleep.

She hates going to the park and, since they don't have a yard, she rarely takes her kids outside to play.

She longs for alone time and sometimes wishes she could just have a couple days without her kids. Why does she need alone time? She is a Stay-At-Home Mom. She gets to wear yoga pants all day and doze on the couch. I mean, seriously, isn't her whole life a break?

That mom I was judging sounds pretty bad, right? 

Oh yeah, that mom is ME. 

I have been so constantly worried about what other people will think of me, that I have basically been hiding. I rarely go places with my kids for fear of a temper tantrum, disobedience, or a nervous breakdown (by me). I try to keep a lot of our parenting choices a secret because I know someone will disapprove or try to give me their opinion. I won't even let my husband post a picture on Facebook if the background doesn't look clean and tidy, or if you can see my youngest drinking a bottle. My life has been so consumed by what other people will think or say that I have stopped enjoying it as much as I should. 

So my new mantra is: WHO CARES!? 

The only reason people judge or criticize other people's parenting is to make themselves feel better because deep down they know that they have flaws too. 

Also, sometimes when people give advice, it really is because they care and want to help. I don't have to follow their advice, but I can humble myself enough to listen without getting defensive. 

At the end of the day, I am my children's mother. I am the one who is entrusted to take care of them, and I am motivated because I want what is best for them. The choices my husband and I make for our children are our's alone to make. There is no one else who can take care of them or understand their needs better. 

I may not be perfect, but I am a GOOD mom, and I really do know that. (If I was a bad mom I probably wouldn't even care about these things.) So, from now on, others can criticize and analyze my parenting all they want. 

I even helped them out by writing this list.

Please feel free to 'like' and 'share' my posts, I really appreciate it when you do. I'm not saying I check all day long to see how many people enjoyed my posts, but I'm not saying I don't either. 

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11 Things I Wish My Toddlers Could Know

If I could only explain certain things to my toddlers, maybe some days would go smoother and we could all understand each other a little bit better, but I guess they are toddlers for a reason. Still, here are some things I wish they could know right now.

 I. Both of you are the easiest and hardest people to love in my life. My love for you comes so naturally, I don't even have to try or work at it, I just love you. However, getting out of bed in the morning at all hours, chasing you around all day, being responsible for your little life, keeping you safe, teaching, training and helping to mold you, that is some hard work.

 2. There is nothing about you that I would change...except for the poop painting everywhere in your room, please don't do that anymore.

3. I long for you to grow up and for you to stay little all at the same time. Can you grow up enough to be able to get your own cereal in the morning and take yourself potty, but stay young enough to always want hugs and kisses from your super cool Mom?

4. I want SO badly to be a great Mom. I'm sorry that I fail daily, but thank you for loving me anyway, especially when I accidentally doze off on the couch. Your little squishy face right in mine saying, "Mama, wake up!" is a pretty good motivator to get off the couch and turn on the coffee pot.

5. I only wish I could have your imagination. --the fan is an airplane propeller, jet streams in the sky are from spaceships taking off, your blanket becomes a train car when it is draped over something, your Mom is perfect and she can do anything...hold on to that wonderful, innocent imagination for as long as you can!

6. If you hear me complaining about rarely getting a date night, how bad I want need a shower, how much I miss sleeping in, or how I would kill for a little alone/quiet time, just know that when I actually get to do these things, I miss you and wonder what you're doing the entire time I am away from you. There is never going to be such a thing as taking a break from you, it just isn't possible.

7. I know I'm still pretty new at this Mom gig but I can already tell you, I will never, ever stop loving you. I will never stop being your mom, even when I'm no longer the #1 woman in your life, even when I'm not the one you run to when you are hurt or sad anymore; I will always be here for you and you will always be on my mind.

8. Being your Mom is scary, I'm scared. So much can go wrong. You could get seriously hurt or sick, or I could just totally suck at this Mom thing. I have yet to make you anything fun from Pinterest. I haven't even bought any pom poms or pipe cleaners so you can work on your fine motor skills and we don't get to spend much time outside because we still don't have a backyard and going to the park without your Daddy's help freaks me out. I'm working on being a super creative Mom and doing fun stuff with you. When you get a little older, we will spend more time at the park (even when Daddy is at work), I promise.

9. I would do anything for you...except let you paint with your poo, I'm so serious about that, ya gotta stop.

10. It's 3 am, one of you is sitting on my lap and the other is calling for me. I'm a little frustrated, but I already am sad for the day when you no longer need me anymore, when you can cover yourself up at night, or calm yourself down after a bad dream; just thinking of those future days makes me miss you already. So, for now, I'm going to enjoy these moments, every single one, maybe even the poopy ones (but as I said before, we can totally do without those!). I will store all these memories away so that I can pull them out when you're no longer little enough to sit in my lap.

11. You have big things ahead of you, I am so thankful that I am the one who got to be here when your lives first began, you both bring me so much joy every day and I am beyond blessed to be the one you call "Mama". 

I love you more than you will ever be able to comprehend, at least not until you have some rambunctious, poopy, imaginative toddlers of your own. 

Please feel free to 'like' and 'share' my posts, I really appreciate it when you do. I'm not saying I check all day long to see how many people enjoyed my posts, but I'm not saying I don't either. 

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Toddlers Are Puppies Too

I had a puppy once and I hated it. The only time I liked him is when he would bark at our creepy neighbors; he was kinda cute sometimes, but mostly, I hated having a puppy. (I know, I'm the only one in the world who doesn't like puppies and my heart is probably made of ice.) He ruined my nice things, refused to poo outside, woke me up a million times a night and would never leave me alone. He would run away sometimes and I would secretly hope he wouldn't come back, I'm kind of an awful person. Eventually, when I found out I was pregnant, we gave him away and all was right with the world once again. I'm sure not all puppies are as bad as our little terror was and if we knew what we were doing, maybe we could have trained him better, but even so, puppies and I don't get along.

Today, while sitting in the living room with the windows open, I realized something. If my neighbors or passers by didn't know that I had two toddlers, then just from listening to the things I say, they would probably think I was talking to puppies all day long.

Things like: Come here! Get down! Don't drink the bath water! Go get the ball! Don't jump on the furniture! Stop chewing on that! Stay there! Are you hungry? Do you need to go potty? Good job, buddy! 

I could not stop laughing as it occurred to me that toddlers are a lot like puppies. 

Let me count the ways:

1.You cannot take your eyes off of them
2.They follow you wherever you go...even to the bathroom.
3. They wake you up in the middle of the night.
4. They must be potty trained and are given treats as incentives.
5. They put everything in their mouth.
6. They always want to sleep in your bed.
7. They like to hide things, like the remote control or your car keys.
8. They climb all over you like you're a jungle gym.
9. They get really excited when someone is at the door.
10. They sit by you while you're eating, begging for bites.
11. They get into everything.
12. They are expensive and require lots of vaccinations.
13. They lack independence and need you to do everything for them.
14. They like to get right in your face.
15. They love to go after things and bring them back to you, i.e., fetch. 

"Look Mama, I'm a puppy! Ruff, ruff!"

I could go on and on, but I will stop there. I have friends who have told me that their dog is practically the same thing as a kid; I have always rolled my eyes at this, thinking you can't even compare the two, but I guess that's not true since I just did. Still though, as much as toddlers and puppies have in common, they have plenty that separate them as well. Although being a mother is hard work, I adore my little "puppies" and will do anything in my power to keep them safe, clean, fed and of course, if and when they run away from me, I chase them with all I have.


Currently, I have a deal with my hubby that if he agrees to letting us move back to my hometown, we can get a dog. Here's hoping that we can adopt an adult dog, because I'm not ready to have another baby yet, especially one that I know will (mutually) dislike me.

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You know you're a Mom at the grocery store when...

In case you were wondering, here are the signs telling everyone that you're a Mom when you're at the grocery store:

1. Your purse is full of toys, diapers, sippy cups and goldfish.
2. You drive around for a long time in order to get a parking spot next to a cart corral.
3. You can stack your groceries so well to make room for a toddler in the basket, you would put a Tetris champion to shame.
4. Just when things start to get rough, you stop by the bakery for free  bribery  cookies. (I love you, bakery lady!)
5. You know exactly the right distance to keep your cart away from the shelf of breakables, just in case the temptation becomes too great to reach out and knock a bottle of wine onto the floor.
6. You talk out loud about what is next on your list and whether you should get whole milk or 2%.
7. You make car, choo-choo and fire truck noises as you go from aisle to aisle.
8. You fly a loaf of bread like an airplane into your shopping cart.
9. You push that cart as fast as you can, timing how long you have before a total melt down occurs.
10. You always visit the toy aisle last, if everyone was good.
11. You avoid having to use the restroom yourself at all costs, even if it means doing the potty dance at the deli.
12. You scold any hands trying to play with the card reader or items around the register while you're at checkout.
13. You complete your shopping trip, put the cart back in the corral, get into the car and realize...you just did all the things listed above, but this time you were shopping all by yourself.

What other things can you add to this list?
See you Mamas at the grocery store!

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6 ways to go back to your 'New Love Days', if you really want to.

Remember the days when you were first dating your husband? The little butterflies you got when he sent you a text in the morning, or picked you up for a date, or posted something sweet about you on Facebook? Then there was the honeymoon stage after your wedding, you know where you were just floating on a pillow of love above the clouds, just happy as can be? Then came toilet seats left up, lights left on, dishes left in the sink, garbage not taken out, laundry not done, soda cans left laying around the living room, chewing too loudly, looking at each other the wrong way, a coffee addiction that breaks the bank and of course, a baby (or 2 or 3 or 4...). Things change, those love-dovey-floaty days seem like decades ago, and honestly I'm glad we came back down to earth, but sometimes, it would be nice to go back to those days. Here are some tips on how to stay in  visit the 'Newlywed days'.

1. Hold hands whenever you're together.
I know this is tricky now, I mean between changing diapers, chasing toddlers, potty training, getting up in the middle of the night to comfort after a bad dream, tripping over toys, etc. but if you are really committed to it, you can figure out a way to do all these things together, while still holding hands like you used to do. In fact, maybe just try handcuffing your wrists to each other, it could make a really good bonding exercise for sure, no way you could come out of that hating each other, am I right?

2. Send each other texts every 30 seconds and use lots of emojis.
Nothing lets your hubby know you're thinking of him like a little heart text, show you're flirting with a winky face and if you really want to up the ante, send him a happy face with hearts for the eyes! I know it might be hard to do stay glued to your phone all day with all the demands your children bring, but just turn on a movie, they will be fine.

3.Talk about each other constantly, to everyone you know.
Every one loves it when their friends can't stop gushing over their man, in fact, if you feel like you have started to lose friends lately, it probably isn't because you have to multitask them into your crazy mom schedule; it's really because they miss hearing you talk about nothing besides how in love you are. So for a little while, just resist the urge to talk about your kids to your friends, put away the baby photos and show them how handsome your hunk of a husband is and then gush to them about all the wonderful things he does for you, don't forget to exaggerate!

4. Post sweet things about him on Facebook.
Don't you remember the days when all you wrote about online was each other? (Maybe it was MySpace back then, but some things are better left in the past.) Make sure to include lots of emoticons in these as well, and as many complimenting adjectives as possible. I know you really want to post that funny thing your toddler said and a picture of him with food all over his face, but resist the urge.

5. Don't let him see you without make up on or your hair fixed.
I know it's hard to get a few free minutes to look at the mirror instead of focusing all your attention on your kids, but are they really hurting anything by climbing up into the sink or throwing random stuff into the bathtub? Is it really a big deal if they pour baby powder all over the floor or write on the walls with your lipstick? Looking good takes sacrifice. I guess if it's really too hard to get ready while your kids are awake, just get up before them, make sure you allow plenty of time in case the sound of your blow dryer wakes the kids up early...4am sound good?

6. Do NOT pee in front of each other.
Finally, just keep some things private. Keep the mystery alive at least a little bit and don't share the bathroom. Sure your hubby is in the shower, your kids just woke you up and you're doing the potty dance while simultaneously trying to change their diapers and get them breakfast, but just HOLD IT -or grab a diaper if you have to! This is the only time the hand holding is allowed to stop, by the way.

I hope this list helps you a little bit, if you're just really wanting to get back that before-kids-love-bubble you used to have, you may need to hire a full time nanny to make these things happen, but it's worth it right?!?
In reality, maybe just a weekly date night where you have real conversations about actual, important things and then watch a movie that you fall asleep during is more practical, but it's up to you.

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