How To Get To The Laundromat With Kids in 76 Easy Steps



  1. Sort laundry.
  2. Set “helpful” toddler on the couch and sort again.
  3. Give up on sorting and throw everything into the laundry basket.
  4. Put the basket by the door.
  5. Start looking for your kids’ shoes.
  6. Tell 3-year-old that he doesn’t have any clean socks and will be wearing flip-flops.
  7. Watch him start to throw a fit.
  8. Insist, again, that he is going to wear his flip-flops.
  9. Take his Batman tennis shoes away from him.
  10. Hold your ground in the flip-flop battle for 20 minutes.
  11. Empathize with him as he tells you that he will wear the flip-flops, but he will not like it.
  12. Wipe his nose and eyes, give hugs and kisses.
  13. Realize you cannot find his flip-flops.
  14. Let out a heavy sigh.
  15. Give batman tennis shoes back to him.
  16. Find (dirty) socks.
  17. Put on his socks and batman shoes while he laughs.
  18. Get out the door.
  19. Turn around and walk back inside because you forgot the laundry.
  20. Herd the kids into the car.
  21. Buckle them into their seats.
  22. Cringe as your toddler melts down because his brother has found the only toy in the car.
  23. Find an old receipt on the floor and hand it to the toddler.
  24. Turn the radio up to drown out the fight that has now begun over the receipt.
  25. Drive to the laundromat.
  26. Get your kids and laundry out of the car.
  27. Sternly tell your kids to stay with you in the parking lot.
  28. Walk into the laundromat to see your favorite washers are available.
  29. Let your kids slowly throw the laundry into the washers.
  30. Suddenly come to the realization that you forgot the laundry soap at home.
  31. Cry a little.
  32. Remove clothes from the washers.
  33. Lug the laundry basket and kids back to the car.
  34. Drive back home.
  35. Unbuckle confused kids and drag them back into the house.
  36. Quickly grab laundry soap.
  37. Notice 3-year-old has already taken off his shoes.
  38. Agree to let him put them back on “his self”.
  39. Call your other child to come stand by the door.
  40. Hear him crying because he can’t find his favorite toy that he NEEDS to bring with him.
  41. Come to the conclusion that it would be easiest to just help him find the toy.
  42. 10 minutes later, carry him and his toy to the front door.
  43. See that your oldest has put his shoes on the wrong feet.
  44. Decide to fix them later.
  45. Remember you set down the laundry soap somewhere while you were looking for the toy.
  46. Locate the laundry soap.
  47. Double check that you have everything: soap, laundry, quarters.
  48. Finally get the kids out the door…again.
  49. Buckle everyone back in the car and repeat steps 21-23.
  50. Begin second drive to the laundromat.
  51. Mumble a cuss word when toddler says he has to go potty.
  52. Stop at the store to take him to the bathroom.
  53. Realize he didn’t quite make it in time.
  54. Change him in the bathroom stall.
  55. Scold his brother for peeping under the stall door.
  56. Realize you need to go as well.
  57. Sit on toilet while holding onto your kids so they don’t touch everything, or run away.
  58. Laugh when they congratulate you for going on the potty like a big girl.
  59. Lift each kid up to wash their hands.
  60. Pretend you don’t notice the soap streaks and puddles of water you left on the counters.
  61. As you leave the bathroom, remember that you need to buy toilet paper.
  62. Stop by bakery to get the kids a free cookie.
  63. See that there is a sale on laundry soap, buy spare bottle for your car.
  64. Visit the in-store Starbucks to get a coffee as your reward for doing the laundry.
  65. Leave the store 45 minutes later with a full shopping cart.
  66. Buckle the kids in the car for the fourth time.
  67. Realize that you need to feed them lunch.
  68. Pull into the nearest fast food restaurant.
  69. Sit in parking lot and eat.
  70. With a full belly, finally start driving back to the laundromat.
  71. Sigh when you hear the 3-year-old say he has to go potty now.
  72. Look in your rear-view mirror to see the youngest rubbing his eyes.
  73. Arrive at a crossroad; you can turn left for laundromat or right for home.
  74. Turn right; it’s nap time.
  75. Decide to try again tomorrow.
  76. Decide to try again tomorrow, after you call your Mom to watch the kids, which you should have done 75 steps ago.









This post originally featured on Sammiches and Psych Meds.



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